losing beckham is never a thing that i have ever imagine

i don't know how some people facing the death of their beloved pets. i knew something was wrong with Beckham but i thought it was bcos of the food, he had a very peculiar taste, he won't budge to eat if he doesn't like the food, but he will still eat when he's hungry but last night..

last night was different, cos i haven't see he eaten the food i put in front of him.. i had a feeling that he will leave me when i look at his eyes. even his fur, doesn't look so shiny, they look dead to me. or maybe bcos it was of the connection that we had. i immediately knew something is really not right with him, i thought of taking him to vet today, after i got off from work but then my parents call me this afternoon said that he had gone. they even sent me the video of it..

ya Allah.. it was killing me.. the last moment, he was struggling to breathing.. his mouth was open wide, i really wish i was there, i knew he will leave me but i wanted to be there for him, though my parents was there but it was me, who spent a lof of time caring for him, i might sound bias but yeah, i care for him more than i care for the others.. miki, baby and junior..

i don't know what am i going to do, my parents are still waiting for me to come home before bury him.

Beckham was only a few weeks old when my parents took him home from my aunt's house, i never knew we will get so attached to each other. he was the naughtiest and the smartest one, put him in their cage and you will see him outside the cage a few minutes later, yeah he knew how to open the cage, that's why we had to tied the cage with a rope after putting him in there..

my dad lost him once. i was so mad. that evening, i was going to take my mom from work and meeting my friend later, Beckham stood in front of the gate looking at me but i told him to inside and drove to take my mom. and one hour later, dad texted saying that Beckham was lost, i was so furious with my dad cos he can't take care with him. so i went home with my mom and cancelled the meeting with my friend, all the way home.. i was blaming myself from  leaving him like that.

i did not eat. i went looking for him but then dad told me he will come home later, but want to know something? i told my dad i will looking for him by myself. i only had one thing in my mind. he might be the smartest one but he is afraid of strangers, even a mouse. what if he was hungry even though he was a picky eater


i cried myself to sleep that night.. when i woke up the next morning, the first thing i do was looking for him at the cage, and he was there. my mom said that he got home at 3am, dad was waiting for him at the lawn outside. i was thankful for having such a lovely dad and feel bad cos i was so angry was him earlier.

Beckham.. he knew his place well at the house, in my room.. he would go the room if i said "Beckham, let's go to the room.. or let's go to sleep.." he wasn't the type to sleep on bed, he would sleep on the floor, on the cold floor.. maybe bcos he had a thick fur and he feels hot.. the funniest thing is he would never pee or poop in my room, he would come to me and making that kitty sound, meaning that he wants to go to his toilet.. but if he was so desperate looking for toilet, he would go to my my parents and do his thing there haha i'm gonna miss all this moment we had together..


about a month ago, he pee on my bed. i knew he wanted to pee but i told him i need to put medicine on his wound first, he ran to my room and i cornered him before he jumped  into my bed and pee.. and a few days ago, i took him in to my room.. around last week, but his butt wasn't clean enough. he was the dirty type, the only time he looks really clean if after shower..


also he like to pee at others people's house. often i see him do that, escape when i'm trying to clean his litter pot and run to neighbor's house.. there was so much i wanted to say but i'm sure i'm gonna cry.. i'm still in office while typing this and i went crying in the toilet when the news broke..


Rest in peace baby.. I was grateful for all the good times we've had together. I won't lie that I am so devastated but now I know you're in a better place now. Live your life there until the day we will meet again. I will never forget you sweetheart. You were a part of my life and will always be. There's no others that can replace you.


xoxo